'Toy Soldiers'
The Ringer's Bill Simmons and Kyle Brandt sneak down to the basement for a shot of mouthwash before rewatching the 1991 action film 'Toy Soldiers,' starring Sean Astin, Wil Wheaton, and Louis Gossett Jr.

Cast
Sean Astin as Billy Tepper
Wil Wheaton as Joey Trotta
Louis Gossett Jr. as The Dean
Denholm Elliott as Teacher
Directed by: Daniel Petrie Jr.
Written by: Daniel Petrie Jr., David Koepp
Categories
Quote from Rog's review:
“Since the plot of the movie is utterly predictable, we hope at least for some cleverness in the gimmicks. The movie is so disappointing that I wonder if the screenwriters were really trying.”
Might be the first one-star movie they've done on The Rewatchables.
- The mouthwash basement party – 4 parts 100-proof vodka, 2 parts peppermint schnapps, 1 part creme de menthe.
- The roll call scene – Luis Cali reading off the kids' parents' jobs, Joey Trotta vs. Cali.
- Joey Trotta's death scene – 'Fuck my father. And fuck you.' Then immediately gets shot.
- Billy escaping – timing the guards, running, the suspense of getting back before the count.
- Opening in Barranquilla, Colombia – judge thrown from helicopter.
- 'They will explode' line delivery from the villain.
- Wil Wheaton's accent, earring (ankh), and general demeanor.
- The score – compared to John Williams / Indiana Jones, 'kind of incredible.'
- Phone sex lines as a period artifact.
- The ending group hug helicopter shot.
- The judge being thrown from the helicopter in the opening.
The microchip swap plot device – the paper airplane chip and the terrorist remote control chip being interchangeable. Confusing in 1991, more confusing in 2023.
- No internet, no cell phones – completely different movie in 2023.
- Only two female characters in the entire movie: one pushed off a balcony, the other a phone sex operator.
- Tone among students – no real terror, kids kicking hacky sacks during a hostage crisis. Post-school-shooting era makes this feel unrealistic.
- Jerry Orbach being uncredited – bizarre.
- Bill: Wishes there had been a sequel at a girls' boarding school in ~1994 – 'perfect Reese Witherspoon range, maybe early Sarah Michelle Gellar.'
- Kyle: Sean Astin's hairstyle is exactly Martin Riggs ('Lethal Weapon'), and Luis Cali's hairstyle is exactly Steven Seagal.
- John Schlesinger was supposed to direct but dropped out for Pacific Heights.
- Corey Feldman auditioned but 'was not in the right place.'
- Lillo Brancato (the Bronx Tale kid) would have been perfect for Joey Trotta.
Luis Cali (Andrew Divoff) – the screaming, coming unhinged at the end, the 'noodle gunshot' to the head.
Michael Champion – also in 'Total Recall' running around with Ironside, 'playing basically the same role.'
Jerry Orbach – shows up uncredited for a nothing part as Albert Trotter, the mob boss. 'You're kind of intoxicated because he's famous.'
- Leonardo DiCaprio as Yogurt (~15 at the time).
- Lillo Brancato as Joey Trotta.
- For the villain: Steven Bauer or Jimmy Smits.
- Budget $10 million, grossed $15 million.
- Based on a 1988 novel by William P. Kennedy.
- Billy eating a banana and throwing the pill in the trash was improvised.
- Wil Wheaton prepared by renting all the Godfather movies. Was told to do a New York accent by the director.
- Keith Coogan had success with Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead but a billing dispute derailed his career.
- Body count: 18.
- Boarding school hostage movies – yes.
- Throwing judges out of helicopters – yes.
- Moving the Dean's entire office furniture into the quad – that's hours of work.
- The cigarette burning long enough to ignite matches under a fire alarm – impossible.
- Kids can tap into a phone line but nobody thinks to communicate with the outside world.
- Terrorists brought no clothes – Champion wearing the same vest for ~4 days.
- A 10-episode Hulu series like Prison Break. Could be Cali's son avenging his father's death.
- Jason Blum rumors about a potential sequel.
Sean Astin for the lead role.
- Wil Wheaton's ankh earring.
- The model airplane.
- Don't try a New York Italian accent if your name is Wil Wheaton.
- The most enterprising kid in school might not have the best grades but he's the one who saves everyone during a terrorist attack.
Iron Eagle – double Gossett.
Sean Astin – runaway. Does 'Rudy' two years later, eventually Lord of the Rings.
Craig Horlbeck: had never heard of the movie. Was shocked by Ebert's one-star review. 'Couldn't believe how much this movie grew on me.' Loved the premise – people trapped in one location is the best movie format.