September 06, 2021

'Miami Vice': Calderone's Return (parts 1 & 2)

The Ringer's Bill Simmons and Chris Ryan put on their white linen suits and head to South Beach to rewatch the two-part episode "Calderone's Return" from Season 1 of 'Miami Vice,' starring Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas.

Movie poster

Cast

Don Johnson as Sonny Crockett

Notes

  • First (and possibly only) TV episode ever done on The Rewatchables – Bill considers this two-parter as essentially a movie.
  • Denzel Washington auditioned for Tubbs but lost to Philip Michael Thomas, who had undeniable chemistry with Johnson at the reading.
  • Philip Michael Thomas created the concept of the EGOT (wore a necklace with 'EGOT' on it).
  • Brandon Tartikoff's original concept pitch was 'MTV Cops'.
  • Michael Mann's 'no earth tones' rule: no reds or browns on 'Miami Vice'.
  • Episodes cost $1 million each to produce; the show spent $10,000+ per episode on song rights – first TV series to use stereo broadcast music.
  • Don Johnson shaved with a sideburn trimmer to create the stubble look; eventually a 'Don Johnson stubble razor' was released.
  • 'Miami Vice' theme was the first TV theme to hit #1 since Henry Mancini's Peter Gunn theme in 1959.

Categories

Most re-watchable scene
  • Tubbs getting the confession out of Mendez with the glass, leading into 'Voices' by Russ Ballard (Bill's overall winner).
  • Crockett's divorce falling through, all the way through the limo massacre with the Argentinian.
  • Ending of Part 1: finding out Lou's dead, Calderone's in the Bahamas – 'How long will it take you to get ready?' / 'I'm always ready'.
  • Tubbs reveals himself to Angelina: 'Your father had a cop shot to death in New York City, and that cop was my brother'.
  • The 'I'm So Excited' into 'Tush' (ZZ Top) music sequence at the club.
  • Ending: 'What's Love Got to Do with It' by Tina Turner, speedboat montage, 'Tubbs, let's go home'.
What aged the best?
  • The concept of a hit list (always works in any medium).
  • The Argentinian assassin – earplugs before murdering, shooting technique, yellow tinted glasses, donut/coffee calling card.
  • Crockett's Theme music (Bill's cell phone theme for 10 years).
  • Don Johnson's smoking technique (Lucky Strikes, filterless, the tilt).
  • The music: I'm So Excited, Tush, In the Night, Crockett's Theme, Voices, What's Love Got to Do with It.
  • Miami as a character/location; Grand Theft Auto: Vice City paying homage to the show.
  • The John Carpenter-style horror synths used for the Argentinian stalking scenes.
What aged the worst?
  • Sonny immediately going to get his wife/kids from safe house without verifying the assassin is dead.
  • Tubbs and Crockett driving into the water; the killers assume they're dead without checking; car inexplicably explodes.
  • Angelina hooking up with Tubbs after approximately 3.5-4 minutes of total interaction.
  • The Argentinian leaving tons of evidence behind (hit list, receipts, donuts at every location).
  • Don Johnson dating Melanie Griffith when she was 14 – 'not aged well'.
Casting what-ifs
  • Nick Nolte and Jeff Bridges were pursued for the lead but movie stars didn't do TV then.
  • Mickey Rourke turned it down.
  • Final choice was Don Johnson vs. Larry Wilcox (from CHiPs); Wilcox was too associated with police roles.
  • Denzel Washington auditioned for Tubbs but lost to Philip Michael Thomas.
  • After season 2, Mark Harmon was going to replace Johnson during a contract dispute.
Over-acting award
  • Ricardo Tubbs (Philip Michael Thomas) – unanimously; 'Your father had a cop shot to death in New York City, and that cop was my brother'.
  • Also the unintentional comedy winner throughout.
Best "that guy"
  • Jim Zubiena (Ludovicio Armstrong, the Argentinian hitman) – Michael Mann's shooting technician, master of the Mozambique drill (Bill's winner).
  • Miguel Pinero (Calderone) – founded Nuyorican Poets Cafe, Benjamin Bratt played him in a 2001 biopic.
  • Sam McMurray (Jimbo, the Saint Andrews bartender) – 'in everything,' voice on The Simpsons.
Best "heat check" performance
  • Jimbo / Sam McMurray (the Saint Andrews bartender).
  • The Argentinian (Ludovicio Armstrong).
  • Alan (Caroline Crockett's defense attorney who calls an audible for full custody).
Re-casting couch

Angelina (played by Fanny Napoli) – 'just not very good,' only 3 IMDb credits; suggested recast: Sonia Braga.

Half-assed (internet) research
  • Episodes originally called 'The Hit List' and 'Calderone's Demise,' renamed in syndication.
  • Only time Tubbs got to drive the Ferrari in any episode.
  • Don Johnson's fashion became an actual look dominating fashion shows for two years.
  • Crockett's Ferrari was actually a replica built on a Corvette; his boat was the Chris Craft Stinger 390X (the 'Saint Vitus Dance').
  • The squib mistake during Don Johnson's shootout with the Argentinian was real and kept in the final cut.
Apex Mountain
  • Philip Michael Thomas – yes, definitively.
  • 'I'm So Excited' as a song – extensive pop culture run detailed (Vacation, NBA commercials, Saved by the Bell, etc.)
  • Russ Ballard – 'When you reach the top of Apex Mountain, Russ Ballard is there playing Voices'.
  • Crockett's Theme – apex of music specifically written for a character.
  • Don Johnson – approaching apex, probably summer of '85.
  • Argentinian assassins – yes.
  • Miguel Pinero – probably.
Picking nits
  • Why didn't the Argentinian shoot Crockett, Tubbs, and Linus when they were all outside together?
  • They tell the obviously-corrupt Bahamas police chief their plan.
  • They get made within 5 minutes but decide to go to the masquerade party anyway.
  • Not enough cocaine in the show given it's set in 1984 Miami.
Sequel, prequel, prestige TV or untouchable?
  • Yes – Bill argues the 'Miami Vice' movie missed an opportunity by not just adapting the Calderone storyline.
  • Chris suggests a Sherlock-style format: 3 episodes every 2 years.
  • Both argue the franchise should be reinvigorated; 6-7 movies possible.
(Probably) unanswerable questions
  • Do Argentinian assassins love sprinkled doughnuts this much, or was it just this guy?
  • The fee for 8 murders was $120K ($15K per murder) – high or low? Both agree it seems low.
  • 'I'm So Excited' by the Pointer Sisters: is this the most influential pop culture song of all time?
  • #1 Sonny ever: Sonny Crockett or Sonny Corleone? Chris: Sonny Corleone.
What memorabilia would you want (or not want!) from the movie?
  • Jimbo the bartender's 2,172-page manuscript – combination of Mutiny on the Bounty with Road Warrior (Chris).
  • The two masquerade party masks from Part 2 (Bill).
Who won the movie?
  • Part 1: Crockett; Part 2: Tubbs.
  • Overall: Russ Ballard – two anthems at the end/beginning of two of the biggest TV episodes of the 80s; Michael Mann is 'the real answer' but Ballard is the specific pick.