September 06, 2021
'Miami Vice': Calderone's Return (parts 1 & 2)
The Ringer's Bill Simmons and Chris Ryan put on their white linen suits and head to South Beach to rewatch the two-part episode "Calderone's Return" from Season 1 of 'Miami Vice,' starring Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas.
Notes
- First (and possibly only) TV episode ever done on The Rewatchables – Bill considers this two-parter as essentially a movie.
- Denzel Washington auditioned for Tubbs but lost to Philip Michael Thomas, who had undeniable chemistry with Johnson at the reading.
- Philip Michael Thomas created the concept of the EGOT (wore a necklace with 'EGOT' on it).
- Brandon Tartikoff's original concept pitch was 'MTV Cops'.
- Michael Mann's 'no earth tones' rule: no reds or browns on 'Miami Vice'.
- Episodes cost $1 million each to produce; the show spent $10,000+ per episode on song rights – first TV series to use stereo broadcast music.
- Don Johnson shaved with a sideburn trimmer to create the stubble look; eventually a 'Don Johnson stubble razor' was released.
- 'Miami Vice' theme was the first TV theme to hit #1 since Henry Mancini's Peter Gunn theme in 1959.
Categories
Most re-watchable scene
- Tubbs getting the confession out of Mendez with the glass, leading into 'Voices' by Russ Ballard (Bill's overall winner).
- Crockett's divorce falling through, all the way through the limo massacre with the Argentinian.
- Ending of Part 1: finding out Lou's dead, Calderone's in the Bahamas – 'How long will it take you to get ready?' / 'I'm always ready'.
- Tubbs reveals himself to Angelina: 'Your father had a cop shot to death in New York City, and that cop was my brother'.
- The 'I'm So Excited' into 'Tush' (ZZ Top) music sequence at the club.
- Ending: 'What's Love Got to Do with It' by Tina Turner, speedboat montage, 'Tubbs, let's go home'.
What aged the best?
- The concept of a hit list (always works in any medium).
- The Argentinian assassin – earplugs before murdering, shooting technique, yellow tinted glasses, donut/coffee calling card.
- Crockett's Theme music (Bill's cell phone theme for 10 years).
- Don Johnson's smoking technique (Lucky Strikes, filterless, the tilt).
- The music: I'm So Excited, Tush, In the Night, Crockett's Theme, Voices, What's Love Got to Do with It.
- Miami as a character/location; Grand Theft Auto: Vice City paying homage to the show.
- The John Carpenter-style horror synths used for the Argentinian stalking scenes.
What aged the worst?
- Sonny immediately going to get his wife/kids from safe house without verifying the assassin is dead.
- Tubbs and Crockett driving into the water; the killers assume they're dead without checking; car inexplicably explodes.
- Angelina hooking up with Tubbs after approximately 3.5-4 minutes of total interaction.
- The Argentinian leaving tons of evidence behind (hit list, receipts, donuts at every location).
- Don Johnson dating Melanie Griffith when she was 14 – 'not aged well'.
Casting what-ifs
- Nick Nolte and Jeff Bridges were pursued for the lead but movie stars didn't do TV then.
- Mickey Rourke turned it down.
- Final choice was Don Johnson vs. Larry Wilcox (from CHiPs); Wilcox was too associated with police roles.
- Denzel Washington auditioned for Tubbs but lost to Philip Michael Thomas.
- After season 2, Mark Harmon was going to replace Johnson during a contract dispute.
Over-acting award
- Ricardo Tubbs (Philip Michael Thomas) – unanimously; 'Your father had a cop shot to death in New York City, and that cop was my brother'.
- Also the unintentional comedy winner throughout.
Best "that guy"
- Jim Zubiena (Ludovicio Armstrong, the Argentinian hitman) – Michael Mann's shooting technician, master of the Mozambique drill (Bill's winner).
- Miguel Pinero (Calderone) – founded Nuyorican Poets Cafe, Benjamin Bratt played him in a 2001 biopic.
- Sam McMurray (Jimbo, the Saint Andrews bartender) – 'in everything,' voice on The Simpsons.
Best "heat check" performance
- Jimbo / Sam McMurray (the Saint Andrews bartender).
- The Argentinian (Ludovicio Armstrong).
- Alan (Caroline Crockett's defense attorney who calls an audible for full custody).
Re-casting couch
Angelina (played by Fanny Napoli) – 'just not very good,' only 3 IMDb credits; suggested recast: Sonia Braga.
Half-assed (internet) research
- Episodes originally called 'The Hit List' and 'Calderone's Demise,' renamed in syndication.
- Only time Tubbs got to drive the Ferrari in any episode.
- Don Johnson's fashion became an actual look dominating fashion shows for two years.
- Crockett's Ferrari was actually a replica built on a Corvette; his boat was the Chris Craft Stinger 390X (the 'Saint Vitus Dance').
- The squib mistake during Don Johnson's shootout with the Argentinian was real and kept in the final cut.
Apex Mountain
- Philip Michael Thomas – yes, definitively.
- 'I'm So Excited' as a song – extensive pop culture run detailed (Vacation, NBA commercials, Saved by the Bell, etc.)
- Russ Ballard – 'When you reach the top of Apex Mountain, Russ Ballard is there playing Voices'.
- Crockett's Theme – apex of music specifically written for a character.
- Don Johnson – approaching apex, probably summer of '85.
- Argentinian assassins – yes.
- Miguel Pinero – probably.
Picking nits
- Why didn't the Argentinian shoot Crockett, Tubbs, and Linus when they were all outside together?
- They tell the obviously-corrupt Bahamas police chief their plan.
- They get made within 5 minutes but decide to go to the masquerade party anyway.
- Not enough cocaine in the show given it's set in 1984 Miami.
Sequel, prequel, prestige TV or untouchable?
- Yes – Bill argues the 'Miami Vice' movie missed an opportunity by not just adapting the Calderone storyline.
- Chris suggests a Sherlock-style format: 3 episodes every 2 years.
- Both argue the franchise should be reinvigorated; 6-7 movies possible.
(Probably) unanswerable questions
- Do Argentinian assassins love sprinkled doughnuts this much, or was it just this guy?
- The fee for 8 murders was $120K ($15K per murder) – high or low? Both agree it seems low.
- 'I'm So Excited' by the Pointer Sisters: is this the most influential pop culture song of all time?
- #1 Sonny ever: Sonny Crockett or Sonny Corleone? Chris: Sonny Corleone.
What memorabilia would you want (or not want!) from the movie?
- Jimbo the bartender's 2,172-page manuscript – combination of Mutiny on the Bounty with Road Warrior (Chris).
- The two masquerade party masks from Part 2 (Bill).
Who won the movie?
- Part 1: Crockett; Part 2: Tubbs.
- Overall: Russ Ballard – two anthems at the end/beginning of two of the biggest TV episodes of the 80s; Michael Mann is 'the real answer' but Ballard is the specific pick.
