August 05, 2020

'Teen Wolf'

It's a full moon, and The Ringer's Bill Simmons and Kyle Brandt howl into their microphones after they rewatch the 1985 fantasy comedy 'Teen Wolf' starring Michael J. Fox, James Hampton, and Susan Ursitti.

Movie poster

Cast

Michael J. Fox as Scott Howard

Jerry Levine as Stiles

James Hampton as Mr. Howard

Jay Tarses as Coach Finstock

Mark Arnold as Mick

Doug Savant as Teammate

Directed by: Rod Daniel

Written by: Jeph Loeb

Notes

  • Made approximately $80 million on a $1.2 million budget; filmed in just 21 days.
  • Jeph Loeb wrote both 'Teen Wolf' and 'Commando' – the guy who wrote 'slitting a girl's throat is like cutting warm butter' also wrote Coach Finstock's cream cheese speech.
  • Michael J. Fox was in wolf makeup for 12 hours a day during the compressed shoot.
  • The movie caught the wave of Fox's stardom from 'Back to the Future', released just before 'Teen Wolf' in summer 1985.
  • Fox's basketball body double was Jeff Glosser, a college basketball player.
  • The closing credits pants-down extra – someone in the stands whose pants fall down during the final celebration; it was actually a woman.
  • The movie's house is on the same street as the McFly house from 'Back to the Future'.
  • An unfilmed scene had 'Teen Wolf' appearing on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show – cut for budget.
  • In 2004, a New York sports website hoaxed that Mike Piazza played Mick; it even got changed on IMDb for a while.
  • Bill compares the movie's basketball hero-ball theme to Kobe Bryant – wrote about it in his 2009 basketball book, arguing 'Teen Wolf' is a 'thinking man's basketball movie'.

Categories

Most re-watchable scene
  • The entire final basketball game – Scott arrives late, Chubby hits the big three, 'Win in the End' montage, winning free throws (Bill's pick).
  • Teen Wolf's first game transformation – turns into wolf, dunks full court, crowd immediately accepts it, school newspaper headline 'Can he make it two in a row?'
  • Scott turns into the wolf at home – the door opens and his dad is also a werewolf.
  • Coach Finstock's locker room speech – 'There are three rules that I live by' and 'Everything else is cream cheese'.
  • Scott buys a keg – eyes turn red at the liquor store, Stiles goes van surfing afterward.
  • The high school party scene – Stiles as MC, games, closet hookups, 15 kegs.
What aged the best?
  • Coach Finstock – his quotes, his gum-chewing, all his scenes.
  • Stiles – the character, the t-shirts, the performance.
  • The 80s sports montage ('Win in the End' by Mark Safan) – Mount Rushmore of cheesiest 80s sports movie montages.
  • The closing credits pants-down extra.
What aged the worst?
  • Michael J. Fox's basketball ability – the jump-shot free throw, head-down dribbling, rampant traveling.
  • No black people in the movie – the only Black person appears for 6 seconds to breakdance with the wolf.
  • The wolf special effects – pretty rough for 1985.
  • The soundtrack – no recognizable artists (budget issue).
  • The 'Win in the End' lyrics – incredibly dark/suicidal lyrics played over a basketball montage.
  • Boof's back getting clawed by wolf-Scott at the party.
  • The Mr. Howard and Boof driveway basketball scene – weirdest scene in the movie.
Over-acting award
  • Mr. Lolley the drama teacher – 'Wolf out, wolf up, wolf fit, whatever you do, pronto amigo' (winner).
  • Stiles – 'dials it up a couple times' but it's the character.
  • Pamela on stage during the school play.
Best "that guy"
  • The liquor store guy – went on to play Professor Nicholson on Beverly Hills 90210 (Bill's pick).
  • Mark Holton (Chubby) – also Francis Buxton in Pee-wee's Big Adventure and 'Hey, it's Enrico Pallazzo!' in Naked Gun.
  • Doug Savant – later Melrose Place and Desperate Housewives.
  • Court McKeown (#33) – also in 'Can't Buy Me Love'.
Best "heat check" performance
  • Mr. Lolley the theater teacher – only two or three scenes, fully commits, clearly having a relationship with Pamela (winner).
  • Coach Finstock – one of the greatest characters in any sports movie, but too much screen time to qualify.
Re-casting couch
  • Boof: Lori Loughlin or Elizabeth Shue (darken her hair to separate from Karate Kid).
  • Scott Howard: Eric Stoltz – poetic justice since he lost the Marty McFly role; would be interesting to see if Fox loses this role because he can't do a layup.
Half-assed (internet) research
  • Fox's basketball body double was Jeff Glosser, a college basketball player.
  • Fox was in wolf makeup for 12 hours a day during the compressed 21-day shoot.
  • Jerry Levine (Stiles) says he gets recognized daily – 'everybody knows who Stiles is'.
  • Mark Arnold convinced Santa Barbara producers to kill off his character so he could promote 'Teen Wolf'.
  • A Playboy Playmate (Linda Weismeier, July 1982) was in the party scene.
  • Stiles' five t-shirts: 'Life sucks then you die,' 'Obnoxious,' 'What are you looking at, Dicknose,' 'Drunken State Florida,' and 'Wolf'.
Apex Mountain
  • Michael J. Fox: No – 'Back to the Future', though the combo of both in 1985 was huge.
  • Every other person in the movie: Yes – 'Teen Wolf' was their apex.
  • Van surfing: Yes – Apex Mountain for van surfing as a concept.
  • Werewolves: Case made but Twilight (Team Jacob) may have been bigger.
Picking nits
  • Mick was allowed to stand under the basket during the final free throws – never happens in organized basketball.
  • The wolf appears to be 6'2"-6'3" but speaking scenes show 5'4" Michael J. Fox – never figured out the height difference.
  • Zero police presence despite van surfing, a bowling ball thrown across an alley, an attempted armed robbery, and a party with 12 kegs.
  • The school/town should have been deluged with reporters – a werewolf basketball player would be national news.
  • The dog whistle bothers Scott but not his dad who is also a werewolf.
(Probably) unanswerable questions
  • What NBA star's game most resembles Teen Wolf's? Baron Davis or Russell Westbrook – they agree on Westbrook.
  • Was the wolf transformation in the first game the #1 sports movie event ever?
  • Where does the hair go when werewolves transform back to human?
  • What Ivy League school would the wolf attend? Bill jokes Penn.
Sequel, prequel, prestige TV or untouchable?
  • Would be pretty interesting as a 2020 Netflix series – the media descending on the small town, recruiting storylines.
  • The final game was only the regional final – what happens next round? That's the series.
  • Could do a Cobra Kai-style continuation: Michael J. Fox as the absentee dad, the werewolf gene skips a generation.
Who won the movie?

Stiles (Jerry Levine) – 'When you think of 'Teen Wolf', you think of Stiles. Everybody knows Stiles. Everybody remembers the t-shirts'.