March 19, 2026
A CR Month Mailbag!
Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan, and Craig Horlbeck open up the Rewatchables mailbag and read some listener emails on everything from worst possible movies to see on a date to The Rewatchables Pantheon Pyramid to the worst actor athletic performances of all time.
Notes
- Second mailbag episode of 2026 (CR Month edition). Bill, CR, and Craig discuss listener emails with new category ideas, casting debates, and Rewatchables lore.
- CR's #16 'Limitless' equivalent: 'Margin Call'. Bill's: 'Limitless' itself. Craig's: Accepted with Justin Long. Craig also loves Fever Pitch, which Bill despises ('that movie's awful').
- Anti-Apex Mountain debate for the 5 OG Rewatchables guys: Cruise (Oprah's sofa / War of the Worlds era), De Niro (Rocky and Bullwinkle in 2000), Pacino (Author, Author in the early 80s), Denzel (no real stinker – maybe Virtuosity), Stallone (Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot).
- Extended discussion on worst on-screen athleticism in movies. Nominees: Wiley Wiggins pitching in 'Dazed and Confused', Freddie Prinze Jr. in Summer Catch, Tom Cruise throwing in War of the Worlds, John C. Reilly catching in 'For Love of the Game', The Duff quarterback, Wesley Snipes in 'White Men Can't Jump' (Van defends him).
- Bill admits defeat on his anti-narration stance after a listener lists 12 beloved movies with narration (Shawshank, 'Goodfellas', 'Casino', 'Fight Club', 'Stand By Me', etc.). New position: 'There's nothing worse than bad narration.'
- The Rewatchables Hall of Fame Pyramid: Pantheon – Cruise (17 movies), Pacino (14), De Niro (13), Denzel (12), Stallone (12). Directors – Spielberg (9), Tony Scott (9), Mann (8), Scorsese (8). Special Achievement – Seagal, Rene Russo, PSH, Robert Loggia, Lorraine Bracco. That Guys – Joey Pants, John Carroll Lynch, Catherine O'Hara, James Remar, Philip Baker Hall. Dion Waiters First Class – Ted Levine (Silence of the Lambs), Katherine Hahn ('Step Brothers'), Christopher Walken ('Pulp Fiction'/'True Romance' combo), Clemenza (Godfather).
- Best Cruise/Hanks swap: Cruise in Castaway ('the physicality Cruise would really lean into'). Hanks as Charlie Babbitt in 'Rain Man'. CR's worst version: Cruise as 'Forrest Gump'.
- New category proposals that Bill likes: The Secret Handshake (deep-cut memorabilia only an OG would recognize), Best Line Reading, the Cock Merchant Award ('how is that a job?'), the Ted Levine/Buffalo Bill Award for performance so good it damaged the actor's career, and the Peter North Award for most effort-filled performance.
- Worst first-date movie discussion: Monsters Ball wins all categories. CR: 'Manchester by the Sea'. Bill saw Mad Love with a date who got choked up. CR's wife hated The Master.
- Bill reveals he and Ben watched Almost Famous twice in one week, including the bootleg cut with 35 extra minutes. Found about 3 scenes (8 minutes) worth keeping.
- A tax lawyer writes in to explain that bearer bonds were phased out after 1982's TEFRA act, making their appearance in Heat and 'Panic Room' completely unrealistic.
- Mailbags will now be quarterly instead of annual due to volume of listener emails. Nice Guys and LA Confidential still to come in CR Month.